04.30.09
Posted in Uncategorized at 8:43 am by Lisa Hayes
I have a framed copy of the Huna Philosophy on my desk. I love it. I saw it the first time more then a decade ago on a therapists wall. I read it and thought to myself, “This is everything I believe to be true about the world in seven simple points.” I loved it so much I wrote it on toilet paper, (it was all I could find to write on), and I carried it around in my purse for months. I look at it everyday and Huna philosophy does one thing for me. It helps me keep it real. Like most things, it is simple, but not necesarily easy. However, the more I try to apply it to my life the easier it is for me to find my way to peace in most situations. The place I find the seven simple truths work the most magic - you guessed it - relationships. For the next seven weeks we are going to look at the seven simple truths and how they apply to our interactions with others.
Week One:
IKE
The world is what you think it is.
Everything is a dream.
This idea is the master key to what most people view as Law of Attraction 101. Bottom line is you get what you expect. There is no relationship in my life were I experience that more acutely then with both of my sons. I have a 16 month old. If I walk into a restaurant with him, holding my breath, praying for mercy, you can bet your desert I’m going to be crawling on the floor picking up after him while he’s crying and throwing everything he can reach at the other patrons. Before we leave the restaurant, I am the one in tears. If I walk into the restaurant relaxed, ready to have a good time, expecting him to chill out and dig in, 99% of the time I get that. Kingston is a projection of what I anticipate. If I’m about to have a “challenging” conversation with my eighteen year old, that’s what he delivers for me. If I am going to work with him to solve problems and improve our relationship, that’s what he delivers me - cooperation served straight up with a smile. Am I psychic or am I the creator? I am certain it’s the latter. I create my experiences based on what I expect.
The world is exactly what I think it is. This holds true with my husband, my business partner, my friends and my family. It also brings up an interesting question. How much of what we expect is based on the past? “He’s always been angry. Of course that’s what I expect!” Basing our expectations of what we’ve seen before, or even what we are seeing right this minute, keeps us locked into an old reality. We cycle the same stuff, over and over again. Anyone seen the movie Groundhog Day??? It’s what prevents us from getting law of attraction to do our bidding. It takes discipline to expect something different. It is a real skill. However, it is a muscle you can work out and get stronger.
To me, IKE is the place I like to start and end my day. Everything is a dream - and what better time to dream up new and different even better possibilities. So, as you are getting familiar with IKE I encourage you to ask yourself, “How can this get even more perfect???”
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04.22.09
Posted in Uncategorized at 8:58 pm by Lisa Hayes
This week I would like to talk about a subject that has been front and center in my life for the last few days. The question is, what is love? Maybe more specifically the question is, how do I know if they love me?? The answer is often illusive or confusing. I had a moment of crystal clarity with my son this week - if you are a parent, you know what those moments are like. We were in the car, having a discussion, pulled over at the side of the road, and I’m pleading with him. “If you only learn one thing from me in your my lifetime, let it be this.” If you are a parent, as you might imagine, I just got a roll of the eyes and a heavy sigh. So, my plea to you all is the same - if you get one thing I say - get this.
Love is a verb. Love is an action, a behavior, a way of being. Love is not a feeling.
To think love is only a feeling is a recipe for hurt and resentment. Love is simply not a tickle or an inkling. To tell someone you love them without being loving is dangerous and hurtful. Conversely, to hear those words from someone when you are experiencing careless, hurtful, or dismissive treatment from them, and expect to feel loved, is ludicrous. Sometimes we just long to hear those words. Sometimes we crave them like an addict craves a fix. However, when the words aren’t backed up in reality with behavior, that fix is short lived and just leaves us clamoring for more, more, and yet more. This week my son heard those words from someone who he desperately wants love from. However, when the words are flanked with behavior that doesn’t match up - DANGER WILL ROBINSON - DANGER!!!
I also see this in couples. I recently sat with a friend and her husband who were jabbing and sparring with each other all night at dinner. Little insults in the name of joking were followed by subtle barbs over silly things. The resentment and anger oozed out of them and everyone at the table could feel it. These are two people who profess to love each other - but the behavior says otherwise. Bottom line, you can’t be hurting someone on any level and loving them at the same time - period - end of story. Those two things are not congruent. They do not mix.
My challenge to you for this week is the “One Hundred Ways” challenge. The challenge is look for one hundred ways everyday to be loving or express love. Do this for a month This may seem like a tall order, but I guarantee it’s doable. This can include anyone you come in contact with ranging from your mate to your dry cleaner. I promise you that if you look for, find, and jump on the opportunity to be consciously loving one hundred times in your day you will start to shift your beingness to being much more loving. As you flex that muscle it is inevitable that all your relationships will improve. Just be warned, after thirty days of the challenge, the person you are most likely to love more, is you. I would love to hear back from you regarding your experiences with this challenge. Please email me at theomzone@gmail.com, with the words “love challenge” in the subject line.
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04.15.09
Posted in Uncategorized at 11:53 pm by Lisa Hayes
I have a very close friend who decided at the beginning of the year that her lifestyle choices were probably killing her. I have been so very proud of her for making some real, tangible, positive changes in her life the last several weeks. She’s eating right, she’s losing weight, she’s exercising. She has cut back on her drinking. She looks great and she feels great. Everything is fabulous except for one small little detail. Her husband, the love of her life, isn’t. He’s over indulging on all accounts. It’s making her crazy.
Recently he had a “coughing fit” so bad that it caused him to lose consciousness - for just a moment - but passed out cold, just the same. She thought he was dead. He doesn’t even remember it. As we sat on a bench, and she cried, she confessed that although he said he planned to live to 105 she knew he was going to die. Now granted, it was a horrible event. It shook her up so bad that four days later she was still crying about it. However, my question to her was, who’s story is it anyway?
Theresa thought she was “killing herself with her eating and drinking”. Andy thinks he is going to live to be 105. Law of Attraction is a tricky science when it comes crashing into our hard held beliefs. Theresa believes, and for good reason, I might ad, that over-eating, over-drinking, and smoking will lead to an early grave. There is a lot of evidence that supports those beliefs. Heck - science and medicine support those beliefs. One might easily argue they are flat out true. However, we’ve all seen exceptions to those rules. Two words - George Burns. So, in my mind, there is no question Theresa had to make some lifestyle changes, and quick. Her beliefs about her health are very strong and very well founded.
Andy on the other hand isn’t kidding or living in denial when he says he plans to live to 105. He does. I’ve heard him say it and I believe him. That is his reality. So the question is who’s reality was happening when he had this “episode”? He doesn’t even remember it. Theresa is still in a state a trauma…
When we are dealing with the people we love most it is really easy to let our deepest fears descend upon them. It is very easy to expect them to take on our stories, as if they were their own. When our stories are happy, uplifting, and empowering that’s a good thing. When they are fear driven and panic based, it’s NOT a good thing. Law of Attraction does not care about the latest science, if you don’t. It doesn’t care about what’s being reported on the news, if you don’t. The greatest gift we can give to those we love the most is to see them perfect, thriving, and whole. When we hold them in that light, it is easy for them to get there and stay there. When we look at them and feel fear and worry, you aren’t doing them any favors.
So, we will see how this story plays out. I just hope Theresa can get her story in alignment with the love of her life celebrating his 100th birthday by drinking a beer and smoking a big fat cigar with this great grandchildren. I can see it!
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04.07.09
Posted in Uncategorized at 1:07 am by Lisa Hayes
My son and I were having a very heated conversation about a very emotional subject last night. At some point he pointed out to me that my emotions were clouding my judgment and impairing my ability to be effective in the situation. Not what I wanted to hear from my child, but true none the less. I am a “live from the gut” kind of gal. I lead with emotion a lot of the time. It usually serves me very well. However, when I’m dealing with a difficult subject, and my emotions are running a muck and running the show, the end result is often, well, mucky. Complicating things, in this conversation with my son, was the he was in the same boat. So there we were, two of us, paddling up stream, all emotional, less then effective, with clouded judgment. It was like chaos squared. I see this chaos squared syndrome in complicated emotional conversations between people all the time. It doesn’t matter if it’s a husband and wife, child and parent, business partners - anytime you put the energy of two highly charged emotional people in one confrontational conversation, getting clear gets almost impossible.
So, how do you work your way out of this communication quick sand? It’s very simple. Go straight to the facts. What do you know for sure?? When we agreed to commit to only reacting to what we knew for sure, both my son and myself found we had very little to be upset about. Making assumptions, dealing in speculation, guessing, and basing opinion on past history, is a sure fire way to make yourself crazy. None of those things are based in fact. None of those things are based in the here and now and we all know that now is all there really is. Truth of the matter is when we looked at our situation almost everything we were both upset about wasn’t real. It was almost all speculation. We knew very little for sure. What we did know for a fact was manageable. The most important thing we knew in the all important moment of now is that we loved each other very much.
How much time do we spend worrying about things that aren’t established fact? How much do we speculate we know about other peoples feelings and motives? How often do we spin out about what we are afraid might be true, but aren’t sure?? This wouldn’t be a bad habit is we were in a pattern of supposing that everyone was out to make our day and conspire on our behalf. However, for most of us, our imaginations take us in a much darker direction. Even bigger problem is we get in a pattern of taking what we are imagining we know as FACT even when it’s not.
So the next time you are in a conversation where you find your less then lovely emotions directing the show, take a step back and take a cold hard look at the facts. Write down what you know for absolutely certain and let everything else go. It’s like a magic wand that works magic on your most difficult moments.
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04.01.09
Posted in Uncategorized at 12:00 am by Lisa Hayes
Katlin and Josh are suppose to get married in July. She says she loves him more then she ever imagined loving anyone. By all accounts the relationship has the makings of being a success, expect one thing. They are arguing a lot. Now as Katlin describes it, when she says a lot, she means all the time. This has been a somewhat recent development in their relationship, really the last few weeks. Now, she’s wondering about the engagement, let alone of the wedding. When I asked her what she wants most for her relationship she says it’s simple, she wants it to be peaceful.
So, in an effort to provide some immediate relief, Katlin and I decided NOT to address the issues causing the unrest. At first this surprised her. Bottom line, they were fighting about everything from finances for the wedding to what to serve with the chicken for dinner. Who knows why the fighting was happening. It certainly wasn’t about green bean casserole. Instead we decided to put together a plan for Katlin and Katlin alone - not including Josh in anyway or requiring Josh to participate. The only thing you can control is you. Sometimes that’s a bummer, but it’s always true.
The plan was simple. Spend 15 minutes in the morning before leaving for work contemplating being peaceful. Now this is somewhat different then meditation. This is about actively thinking about being at peace, with herself, with Josh, in at work, in her environment. Second, and this is the biggie, Katlin was to begin pretending she was a peaceful person. Is she started getting agitated she would stop and ask herself, “if I were actually a peaceful person, what would she do?”. If she wanted to raise her voice with Josh for being a moron, she would stop and ask herself “what would peaceful Katlin do?”. Katlin committed to being a pretender for three weeks.
Week one - she hated it. Katlin reported she couldn’t contemplate peace, she didn’t have time and she wasn’t a very good pretender. Her over-all evaluation of the plan was that it was stupid.
Week two - she warmed up a little. Katlin reported she was beginning to love contemplating peace in the morning. It was becoming a welcome ritual way to start the day. However, she still reported trouble with the pretending.
Fast forward to Week eight - Katlin is a believer in the pretender plan. She reports she isn’t doing nearly as much pretending. She actually loves her new attitude of peace. Katlin is happy to report she genuinely feels like a person with a peaceful nature. She and Josh are getting alone fabulously. She also reports improved relationship with her boss and her sister, which were both areas of concern before.
So -miracle or magic formula. I’m going with magic formula. Here’s the cool part. This formula works for lots of other things that might be an issue. Let’s imagine is Katlin wanted to have more passion her relationship. What is she’d spent 15 minutes in the morning contemplating sexiness and then pretended to be a vixen??? I have a feeling that would certainly produce the desired result!
I challenge you to find one area you’d like to see improvement in your relationship or your life and commit to three weeks of contemplation and pretending. I’m anxious to hear how it works out for you!
Lisa Relationship RX
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03.25.09
Posted in Uncategorized at 10:17 pm by Lisa Hayes
Don’t quote me on this, because I’m not going to remember the exact details right. A few weeks ago I read an article that has stuck in my head. The premise is that Will Smith and Jada Pinkett-Smith have an agreement that they will do an annual plan for their marriage, and they also do an annual review, like a progress report. At first I didn’t like the feel of that. It seemed way too business like for a romantic relationship. However, after thinking about it, I believe it’s genius. First of all, Will Smith is known for being a law of attraction practitioner. In many interviews he talks about his strong belief in focusing on the positive. Secondly, they have one of the most successful relationships in Hollywood. So, I suppose it’s hard to argue with success.
Looking at this through law of attraction glasses, making a plan, putting on paper what we want to have happen, is the master key to the kingdom. When Will and Jada sit down and write up their plan for their marriage for the next year, they are activating law of attraction in it’s most pure form. Even more impressive is they are both putting their energy towards one common goal. I honestly believe this amps up the vibration moving towards a goal exponentially. They agree, they have vision, they have focus, and I believe they have a lot of energy. Will and Jada are taking all those commodities and offering them up to the universe as fuel for their joint goals and aspirations for their marriage. Magic.
Looking at it through the glasses of excellent communication skills, their willingness to do the review, provide feedback, grade each other is an amazing effective technique for getting their wants and needs met in their marriage. They aren’t making assumptions, they aren’t guessing, they aren’t hoping and wishing they get it right. Mr. and Mrs. Smith are willing to stand up to the heat of loving, but honest feedback. They are willing to take that feedback and move forward with the intention of making their great relationship even greater. My money says it works. My money says that these two grow closer, their relationship gets hotter, and their love gets deeper every day, week, month, year, and decade they spend together. When you see pictures of them together, it shows, they’ve got that sumthin’ sumthin’ we all want a piece of. The chemistry is obvious. However, it’s also obvious that what ever that “it” they has is, it goes deeper then chemistry.
So, my challenge to you is this. Make a marriage, or relationship plan. Take your mate, take the time, and get it on paper. Then buckle your seat belt and ask for the feedback. Ask your partner to provide you with information that will help you be a better partner. Be prepared to do the same. Remember, at the end of the year, there were three of you involved in your marriage plan, you, your mate, and the universe. Expect miracles.
Lisa Hayes
Relationship RX
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03.23.09
Posted in Uncategorized at 11:21 pm by Lisa Hayes
Reanne and Todd have been married for nine months. Both of them complain that the intimacy has almost completely disappeared from their relationship since the honeymoon. Both of them are surprised and upset by this. Both of them regret the change in their relationship and want to get back that “spark”. Although both of them agree that this is an issue, neither of them are talking about the same thing. Intimacy is one of those words that should never be used between couples, unless it is clearly defined, simply because the definition of that word is often gender specific. Reanne and Todd think they are talking about the same thing, but they aren’t.
According to Todd, simply put, Reanne quit putting out at all about six months ago. At first he thought it was probably stress at work or just being tired and it would pass. It didn’t. His buddies had told him “the well would dry up”. He didn’t believe them at the time. However, here he was, constantly pursueing her, or begging her for sex. They haven’t even been married for a year and this part of their relationship seems to have gone up in smoke. Todd is worried about the loss of intimacy and what this means for their future. He doesn’t think about cheating on her. He took thier vows very seriously. He does think that his marraige has fallen short of his expectations and is sad. The level of intimacy they shared early in their relationship seems to have slipped away forever. Todd feels rejected.
Reanne says the romance is gone. Thier courtship was intense. She’d never been treated with such love and respect before. Todd was truly her knight in shining armor. He wisked her heart away in no time. The wedding was perfect and thier honeymoon had been a fairy tale. Reannes friends envied her romance, but now that seems to have completely deminished. Intimacy had been the glue that brought them together, and now without it, Reanne felt like Todd was slipping away. They used to have candle lit dinners and long romantic walks. Now they have fast food and she walks with the dog while he mows the lawn. Reanne wonders if thier marraige will survive if they don’t get the intimacy back. Reanne feels unloved.
So, as you can see, there is a language barrier here. For Reanne, intimacy means romance. For Todd, it means sex. Although they think they agree, they aren’t even on the same page.
How can they solve the problem? There is no substitute for clear communication. Men and women communicate differently - period. When you are talking about needs, getting needs met, or meeting anothers needs, you can’t make assumptions. You can’t assume you know what your partners needs are and you can’t assume they know what yours are. Reanne trying to inject romance into their relationship wasn’t meeting Todds needs, it was an attempt to get her’s met. Todd perpetually trying the “sneek attack” at 2 a.m. certainly wasn’t addressing Reanne’s needs.
In any relationship, romantic or otherwise to be willing to ask for specifics about what the other persons needs are and being willing to be specific about yours is likely to be the key to getting what you want vs. getting more and more resentful. Once Reanne and Todd were able to really hear each other, they quickly realized they weren’t doomed. Todd got take out and planned a sunset picnic at her favorate park. Reanne went to Victoria Secret and planned a surprise of her own. Now I will be the to say that no relationship is ever saved in Victoria Secret, but it’s a step in the right direction for all involved.
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03.17.09
Posted in Uncategorized at 1:15 am by Lisa Hayes
Melinda knew exactly what she wanted. She had a short list of deal breaking qualities she was looking for in a man. Very near the top of the list was someone who is in good physical condition. Putting it bluntly - she wanted a man with a hot body and she wasn’t going to settle for less. The ironic thing about that is that Melinda was probably in the worst physical condition of her life. Now, don’t get me wrong. I am not referring to her weight. I know women of lots of different body types can be sexy. What I am referring to is the fact that Melinda had a surgery the previous summer and had become very sedentary over the last few months. She was huffing and puffing walking up the stairs to my house, and there aren’t very many stairs.
The bottom line about attracting the mate we want is simple. You need to be the things you are looking for. Melinda is a very obvious example of how this principal works. Let’s take a look at her example specifically. First of all fit people hang out with other fit people. You will find them at the gym, or rollerblading, or surfing, or playing in a softball league. Melinda isn’t spending time places she is likely to meet Mr. Hot Body. Secondly, let’s imagine, by some strange twist of fate, Melinda meet’s the man of her dreams in the produce isle of the grocery and he asks her out. The chances of them having more then one or two dates are slim. Why? He spends time at the gym, and likes to go surfing, and spends his Sunday afternoon’s playing in the softball league. Even if she shared those interests, she wouldn’t be able to keep up with him. I’m sure you get the point.
This applies to almost all areas of life with regards to attraction. If you are looking for a compassionate mate, you need to be compassionate. If you are looking for someone who is successful professionally, it helps to be at the top of your own game. If you are looking for someone who is a world traveler and your idea of international travel was that one trip to Tijuana, you’re probably going to be out of luck…
Basic law of attraction says, like attracts like. Basic compatibility usually has a lot to do with significant commonality. So, when you are getting honest about what you are looking for in a potential mate, be prepared to take a good long look in the mirror. Ask yourself two questions. First am I the kind of person that person would be attracted to? Secondly, what are some ways I can learn more, do more, or expand more to be more like that person, right now?
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01.29.09
Posted in Uncategorized at 1:54 am by Lisa Hayes
Thursday November 29, noon Pacific. This is going to be a great show!
For over 20 years, relationship expert Nancy Pina has worked with countless individuals to reach their relationship goals and dreams. Her experiences as a matchmaker truly opened her eyes to the struggle many find when searching for the right person to share life with in a loving, emotionally healthy relationship. She discovered that most people were carrying an enormous amount of hurt from failed love and generally believed a new relationship would take away past pain and heartache. However, the key to love is learning from the past, bringing suppressed feelings out in the open and healing those wounds.
Another revelation was the discovery that many people do not have positive relationship role models from childhood, so the information Nancy received as a matchmaker was generally based on dysfunction. That person would be most strongly attracted to people who set off an emotional chain reaction. Those connections would reflect childhood incidences and upbringing and that in turn reinforced deeply held beliefs about how they expected to be treated. It became her passion to help individuals develop strong relationship skills, heal from their pasts and experience lasting love. Her books detail a practical, step-by-step method based on Christian principles to show how to build a solid foundation in which one then can draw a lasting, connected and fulfilling relationship.
As host of her Christian based relationship talk show, Right Relationships, Nancy is thrilled to bring her message of hope and emotionally healthy love worldwide. On the show and in her public speaking events, she teaches how to prepare for the right relationship and how to break free from the barriers that block the love one seeks – whether you are married, divorced, single or dating. You can start where you are today and improve each and every relationship you have with Nancy’s inspiring Christian based advice which can be practically applied to your life.
Nancy has been featured in numerous national magazines such as Runner’s World, Esquire, Men’s Health, Cosmopolitan and Essence to name a few. She has also appeared on the Today Show, Fox News.com and Daystar Houston.
She lives in Houston, Texas with her wonderful husband, Blas. Find out more at www.yourtruematch.com or visit her talk show at www.rightrelationshipstv.com
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01.27.09
Posted in Uncategorized at 7:23 am by admin
Dear Parents,
My guest this week is the world renown Dr. Bernie Siegel, author of Love,
Magic and Mud Pies. This promises to be a most enlightening and provocative
show as Dr Siegel believes that ‘parents are often literally taking their
child’s life away as they impose behavior patterns, careers and more.’ Find
out why Dr. Siegel warns parents that the sweet identical twin sister who
pleases mom and dad and the family, while internalizing anger, is far more
likely to develop breast cancer than her little devil of a sister who is
always doing her ‘own thing’ and driving her parents a little crazy!
Bernie (as he likes to be called) retired from practice as an assistant
clinical professor of surgery at Yale in 1989 to work with the physical,
spiritual and psychological recovery of cancer patients. His books Love,
Medicine & Miracles, followed by Peace, Love & Healing was revolutionary in
the way medicine understands the body/mind connection.
Don’t miss the chance to catch Dr. Siegel’s ‘prescriptions for parents’-
Find out where your power is to contribute to the life long health of your
child- and- here’s a hint- it’s not from exercising or eating vegetables!!!!
Join us live at 8:00pm (pst) or download us at your convenience:
http://www.lawofattracttalkradio.com/parenting.html
….and while you’re at it, check out our schedule of upcoming guests.
You’re gonna love it! And it’s all on the Law of Attraction Radio Network!
In eager anticipation,
Sandi
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